No More Morning Pages for Me

11:04 AM 0 Comments A+ a-

At least the written kind.

I should preface this post by saying that I've recently started actively journaling. I currently maintain two: an actual journal and a Q&A A Day journal. I used to have a Morning Pages notebook. I started all three in January 1, 2016. A new year, a new activity. Other than that, I maintain two blogs... and probably one more kept forever private. I'm not sure if I'm keeping that yet. I'll decide by the end of this post. But now... Morning Pages.

It took up too much of my time and really, I didn't have that much to talk about most days. I can bitch about my job, work situations, people here, people at home... I tend to bitch about people a lot. That happens when you're anti-social, I think. But to do it over and over, day after day... it gets tiring. I can bitch about stuff to the ground but that's pretty much the extent of what I can do. Bitch. (Call me a coward but it is what it is.)

I do keep an actual written journal at home. I write in that before going to bed and there, I dump everything that's happened throughout the day and even what I'm concerned with for the morning after. I get 7-8 hours of sleep if I'm lucky and what happens in those sleeping hours other than sleep? I don't remember my dreams if ever I dream.

At first, Morning Pages was a great idea... three WRITTEN pages, brain dump style. It can be about anything at all, could be gibberish even. If you run out of things to say, write "I don't know what to write" over and over until you do three pages of it. It doesn't have to make sense. It honestly did clear my head those first few days when I was incredibly stressed out. It did help me settle down and mellow out; situations became easier to process and accept and then I realized that Morning Pages felt more of a chore than something I "must" do.

Now, no one's told me that I should write Morning Pages everyday. In fact, I don't do it on the weekends. I only do it when I get to work. Work gives me the most stress in my life, go figure. But on the days when I don't have anything to vent about - in either language I speak - I just sit there staring at a blank page of an awesome notebook (which looks like now is going to disuse... again). I try to search my brain if I had stuff to throw out. Often, I either come up with nothing or the same shit over and over again. Some people can do this in 15 minutes, I spend a whole hour or more on it, missing my coffee schedule. (Yes, I'm one of those weirdos who base their coffee drinking times on "science".) It also kind of takes away from the other stuff that I should be doing at the start of the day. I just didn't see the point of writing "I don't know what to write" or some other sentence over and over just to meet the requirements. I don't see nor feel the benefit of that. If you do, more power to you.

So I've decided to make more use out of this blog. It's not only for events and whatnot. It's an "everything else" blog, having been keeping a separate book blog. This right here is kind of like a brain dump. But typed out. I type faster than I write and it gives my left ring finger callous a break. Since my blog is open to public, I may get a conversation out of it also. Feel free to chip in. I need that mental stimulation. Or I need a kick in the butt. Yes, I can be deadly candid about everything in a private notebook but if things seem to cross that line, I have a backup, really private place to dump it all in. Still typing it out though.

I think I just got a bit too excited with this journaling thing. Youtube is a black hole. I found out about Morning Pages through a journaling 'tuber that I watched and it sounded life changing. I was just too desperate to find a way to relieve my stress. Write or I'll shop or eat it out. I haven't extensively written in a while so I chose that. Heck, I even got those adult coloring books (which only served to stress me out even further lmao). But I had to stop somewhere before it overwhelmed me. Right now, two journals and two (well, three depending on the content) blogs are all I can manage. Morning Pages should be written out but if I'm more comfortable doing this as a daily TYPED exercise, so be it.

How about you? Do you keep a journal?