DREAM JOURNAL | Smoking and Beavers

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How was your Valentine's Day? I spent mine reading Morning Star by Pierce Brown and just lounging on my bed. I'm never much for that occasion anyway.

And I had two dreams last night. At least, two that I could remember. One, I've had many times before and another... rather strange one about taking photos of a certain animal.

Smoking Beaver in the Lowlander

I've dreamt of smoking a few times. I do not and will never ever smoke in real life (although I've tried it and it wasn't for me), I've "experienced" it in dream state. Either I walked out from a situation and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and started smoking, or I step out to a veranda, find a pack there and light one up. This time, I just remember that I was already smoking.

To dream that you are smoking or offering a cigarette signifies your need for a break. It may also points to issues of dependency. If you do not smoke in waking life and dream that you are smoking, then it indicates that you are trying to shield yourself and others against your emotions. You have trouble letting others in. The dream may also be a metaphor for an addictive relationship or habit in your waking life. - Source.

Yes, I feel that I really do need a break. In fact, I don't know if this is just in my head or what but I felt so relaxed over the weekend. I planned to have a massage but I felt so light that I didn't go. But when Monday rolled around, my entire body hurt. It's like I'm dreading to go to work. Today's President's Day so I'm off work. But still, it's like my body decided to give out.

As for shielding myself from others, well... that's how I am. People tend to be open to me and well, they don't ask about me anyway so why would I open up? I vent, yes. But I don't think anyone in my circle of friends or work know much about me. And I would like to keep it that way. Ask and you shall receive. But if you don't ask, then why should I tell you?

The other dream happened when my sleep was interrupted and I went right back to sleep. I actually woke for my 7AM alarm. And then slept again. I just had lunch and already, I'm sleepy again. It's the damn heat. It feels so heavy.

Beaver in the dream symbolizes hard work and love to work, and the desire to gain everything with own efforts. Thriftiness, that's a quality that you proudly possess. If a person sees a beaver in the dream, it means someone encroaches on his property, perhaps this is the person he least expected. Beaver in a dream, it is a sign that the dreamer will achieve great success with own efforts. In the dream book of Catherine the Great, it says that a beaver, is a good symbol, it means that the dreamer is persevering and purposeful, he/she is determined to overcome all difficulties and necessarily achieve all he/she aspires in life. If you dream that you killed a beaver, it says that in reality your deals will be disclosed, and it will cause all subsequent sad results. - Source.

Again, some work-related stuff. Is this job even good for my health and well-being? All my stresses come from, not the job itself, but the PEOPLE in it. Co-workers, supervisors, clients... you can't please ANYBODY. And why should I? No one takes the effort to think of how I feel anyway. Yes, I get paid for showing up and doing shit (but never enough) so I guess that's a benefit. I've been good at handling my money lately... but let me get back to you on that once my first credit card payment comes in. I want to do so many things but this job... the people in the job... and really everything about it is just... not helping.

Although beavers are powerful symbols of hard work and effort, they also represent fun and play, particularly with members of your own family. Beavers famously spend quality time interacting with members of their own families. Their appearance in your dream suggests that you should take more time for yourself and enjoy your family as well. The dream beaver is telling you to arrange your priorities in the right order; you should work hard to fulfill your dreams, but not at the expense of neglecting your family and friends. - Source.

But here's what happened in the dream: I was at my childhood home in Manila. I know the layout. There's a terrace area in front of the main house and we have tall-ish trees in front. And then I saw a brown ball of fur on top of one of the trees and for some reason, all of us there (can't remember the other people) decided that it was a beaver. I'm not sure if beavers can climb trees but this one did.  So I took out my camera and tried to take photos of it. But I think it was spooked by people and it started jumping from tree to tree. Again, no idea if real beavers can do that. And then, it landed in our terrace area and started chasing after me. Remember the sofa living room area in my getting shot dream? Same area. I jump into one of the corner sofas and that's where the dream ends.

I mean. Beavers. Getting chases by beavers. Whut?

Maybe I'm just missing home. I mean, why two dreams in the same place? I admit, I love going back to Manila. Just Manila. Yes, it's hot and miserable and awful... but it's home. It has the best food, malls that are way better than what we have here. It's chaos. But it's my kind of chaos.  Maybe this year, I get to go back. Even just for 2-3 weeks. See my cousins again. Eat the food that I want. Not worry about how much the company has in its account. Fuck all of that.

I need a vacation. A nice long one. At least longer than that Playstation Experience weekend.